“How I used to wear this T-shirt? Which trousers go with my top? Where are my flat shoes?” Those were my words the first time I went out to the shop near the corner after the "full lockdown". I forgot how to dress up.
Leaving the house opened my eyes to different problems. “Is the sun too much bright today?” I kept my palm over my forehead as a shade. For the first time in my life, I could feel and experience how a vampire would feel under the sunlight.
Spotting another mask, apologies, a person walking towards me, caused my heart to beat fast. I panicked, “What shall I do?” I paused. Then I decided to walk closer to the wall, in fact, I was too close to becoming graffiti over the wall to avoid being close to this person while passing next to me. Luckily, this person chose to walk on the street, avoiding possible close contact if he walked on the pavement. I believe the street was safer than catching the Coronavirus.
After this 15-minute walk, I reached home exhausted. The whole trip to the next-door market sounded novel as if I never went outside. As if I never walked and used my feet before.
A year or so ago, walking for at least three hours a day was my daily routine, and on this day, it seemed a strange habit to do.
The moment I entered my house, I ran to the boiling water, the shower. I spent almost an hour under the running hot water; I could tell that I was virus-free. Everything I wore, carried, bought, and took while going outside, was washed and sanitized. I placed everything I bought facing the living room’s window to be exposed to the sun. A smart way to kill any possible virus remains that managed to survive the long wash and highly concentrated Alcohol sanitiser.
A few months later, I had another chance to get outside the home. The "Partial Lockdown" was finally off. All the cafes, restaurants, shops, parks, and beaches were opened again. I decided to go back to my normal life with a mask covering my face all the time.
Going back to normal life meant going back to meeting friends, socializing, and working back at the office. I remember how excited I was, knowing that working through Zoom and from home had come to an end.
Sooner, I came to recognize that going back to normal life meant regular working hours. Struggling every day to choose a proper work outfit, after forgetting how I used to wear it and the purpose of my clothes.
The first working day felt so weird. I kept wondering how I should act. I greeted my cautious face-masked colleagues with a smile hidden by my mask. I could not remember how I used to deal with colleagues face-to-face. The idea of conducting a non-zoom meeting sounded unrealistic. Working on a desk next to me, a real person was kind of terrifying. I concentrated more on how each colleague of mine was acting. Who lifted the mask, who used a sanitiser, and above all, who sneezed.
Now, after a considerable time of experiencing my normal life with a mask, I keep having a few questions in my mind. I wonder what was wrong with lockdown and the pandemic life. What exactly did not suit me? Working from home at any time I want, wearing my comfortable home clothes? Living according to my own rules? Maintaining a proper social distance validated by a legal reason? Having all I want with one click on online stores without getting smashed in the crowded shops, like a queen? Or sneezing freely without panicking, and breathing without a mask?
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